I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
