Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
