I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
