it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
