don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
