i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
