I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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