He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
