i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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