I think I am morally bankrupt
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
