dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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