u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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