i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
