my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
