@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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