I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
