Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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