i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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