Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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