We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
