It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
