saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
