I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
