I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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