And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
