What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
