Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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