..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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