The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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