oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
