I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
