Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just cropdusted the office
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize