I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
