i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
