I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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