the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
