ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
