I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
