life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
