a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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