Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
