just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
