So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
