I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
