i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
