I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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