I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
