Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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