did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
