I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize