The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
