It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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