What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone came in the potted fern
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
