its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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