sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
