i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize