Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
