there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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