never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
