Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
