He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
