But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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