i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
