So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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