You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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