Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
