If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize