even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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