why didn't you poke me back
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
