If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
