Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
