I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
