"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
