i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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