Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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