do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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