Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize