and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
