You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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