1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
