I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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