we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
