I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
