It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
