omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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