you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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