I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
