i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
