apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize