I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
