Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a beard to bite.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
