he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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