She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
