Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
