i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
